


17 Become an adult #writober2020

by YungWenLean



Category: Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu | Legend of the Galactic Heroes
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27059770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YungWenLean/pseuds/YungWenLean
Summary: Karin always thought that becoming an adult meant that you finally were free. But ever since her mother's death and showing up at Dayan Khan she has been more and more tied down. Hi dad, your daughter has become a princess.
Relationships: Katerose von Kreutzer/Julian Mintz
Kudos: 7





	17 Become an adult #writober2020

**Author's Note:**

> #writober2020 and today we are teenage/near teenage angst again! But tomorrow will be fun and light, I promise <3

Hiiiiiiiii dad!

It’s been four years since you died. Like, exactly, on this day. That’s why I’m… Talking to you. I guess. Sorry about the last time, I was not in a good place. Pregnancy hormones, you know. Well, you don’t, but it suuuuuucked. Anyway, the baby’s out now, since… nine months? We named him Wen-li, of course. Julian asked if I wanted to name him Walter, but we all knew that there was only one option if it was a boy. Sorry, dad. 

Before mom died, I was  _ myself _ . I didn’t really understand it until I wasn’t anymore. But I wasn’t “Rosalein’s daughter”, or “Camilla’s friend”. I  _ was  _ mom’s daughter and Camilla’s friend, but I was  _ myself _ . But since mom died, I’ve been someone’s someone. First I was your daughter. I noticed when the rumour spread, people started treating me differently. Then I was the girl that Julian liked. Then I was Julian’s girl. And some sort of matchmaking project for Poplin? When we flew to Fezzan they brought me with them… Like,  _ why _ ? I was just a Spartanian pilot, you know. But, oh, I was  _ rest in peace Schönkopf’s daughter _ , and  _ Julian’s girlfriend _ .  _ Of course _ I was dragged along, like a toddler. Mom didn’t treat me like after I was an actual toddler.

You know, alfer being someone’s someone for years, I don’t know why I thought people would treat me differently if I had a baby. I guess I thought that would make me an adult. But now it feels more like… I’m not even  _ Wen-li’s mother _ , I’m  _ Julian’s son’s mother _ . You know, last time we talked, I kinda hated you. But now when I have a baby. Ugh. Sometimes I just don’t get you. I look at Wen-li and he’s like the most delightful thing in the universe. How could you miss that? But sometimes, wow…. Quite often, I just want to walk out of the house, and never walk back again. I can’t do it, of course, but you could. I get it. 

Mom… she always said nice things about you, when you were in the papers she cut out the article and saved it, so that I would see that my father was someone special. First time we took Iserlohn, I remember people cheering in the streets. They mentioned the Rosen Ritters and you in the paper, and mom showed it to me. I was like, yeah, whatever, but I was proud too. I thought that one day I’d be someone, and I’d meet my hero father, and he’d be proud of me. Now I get that it was a parenting thing my mom did, something she read somewhere, “don’t badmouth the other parent”. I wish she did more of that. So that I wouldn’t get my hopes up high when I went looking for Yang’s hidden fleet. 

Sorry, I said I wouldn’t be as nasty as the last time… I’m getting drunk. Julian hates it when I drink. But tonight is ok, because it’s a day for mourning and I can  _ talk _ . Not with him, he  _ never talks _ ! Did you talk? Not with me, but, like, the women you were with? Because Julian never ever ever talks. When we moved to Heinessen, we moved into Yang’s old house. Frederica thought it was better suited for a young couple than her. I tried to do things around the house, like, you know, a fiancée would. But Julian would just quietly correct everything to the way it’s always been. Like when he was Yang’s child slave housekeeper, or whatever he was. So after a while I stopped trying, and Julian didn’t say anything, didn’t blame me, he just started doing everything his way, without a word. 

When I try to talk, he’s just quiet. Says he needs a walk. Says he needs to go and read something. Do one of his “I have to carry on Yang’s legacy” things… I just want to understand how to get through to him, dad. Were you like that? If you lived, would you show me how to get him to talk? He’s sweet, and caring, he loves our baby... He puts up with me. But I just feel so lonely sometimes. Not all times. But when I feel lonely, I can’t talk to him. I don’t think he can talk to anyone when he feels lonely. It drives me mad! I can talk to my girlfriends, but... Some are still single and out having fun. They envy me, and I envy them. Some are married and have children, but they are not married into the Yang-Greenhill-Mintz royal family… It’s just me here. 

I want to become me again, dad! Not a hero’s… is there a word for widow, but it’s your father who died, not your husband? I want a  _ relationship  _ with the guy I love, not a symbol of hope for the future of… democracy!!! I want my kid to be  _ my  _ kid, not the son of the wife of the protegé of the great Yang Wen-li – but nooooo, it’s not at all like this is a royal line because we are not a monarchy... I wish the Iserlohn times had lasted longer, you know, for  _ me _ . I wish I had flown more. I was a good pilot, dad, I really was. Maybe I’d be a fighter ace and get invited to dinners because of that. You’d be proud of me! 

Fuck, sorry, dad… It’s just a lot right now. I just… I always thought you got more freedom when you were an adult. I remember thinking about it when I lived with mom, that I would grow up and make my own choices. But now it’s like I have less space than ever. It’s not just the kid, it’s everything….  _ You  _ seemed free? You know, people who knew you better than I, they say that I remind them of you. if I get to know myself better, maybe that means I will get to know you better too… Oh, wow, that was deeeeep…

I want to talk about this to Julian so bad! Because I think he’s stuck too, he can’t get out of the Yang’s legacy bubble. And maybe he thinks that it’s a good thing, but I think it’s bad for him. But I can’t decide for him, right? He’s an adult. I just wish we could talk about it. 

I’m getting tired. I’ll just… go to bed now. See how Julian’s doing with Wen-li. He won’t talk to me, but he can hold me. Have you heard that they’ll make a monument for those born in the Empire who laid down their lives for democracy? That’s for you too. They want me to inaugurate, because my both parents were born in the Empire, and here I stand, the mother of the beacon of… Sorry. Anyway, I’ll probably start there when we meet next year. Thanks for the talk, dad.

**Author's Note:**

> And my unplanned "the women of LOGH" campaign goes on as well! But really, there are so many female characters in LOGH that we know a lot about, but the information is never put together into a whole for us. Take Karin here. What we know is that she's super young, her mother just died, she finds this military base where her father is, but he won't acknowledge her. She finds some people she connects to. However, Poplin leaves everyone including her. And Frederica and Julian are in a "carry on Yang's legacy" bubble that it beneficial for democracy and all, but I don't think they are in an emotionally available place. I have super mixed feelings about Karin's and Julian's relationship. It's cute and all, but in that context, the chances are high they will be seen not as two teenagers in the first relationship but as a SYMBOL OF THE FUTURE bla bla. And since it's still quite a conservative and sexist society, I'm worried about Karin.


End file.
